My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
