his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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