I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
