I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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