4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
