My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
