I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
