I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
