things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
