his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
