Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
