put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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