3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
