How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
