I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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