dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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