i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
