You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
