I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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