the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
