We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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