You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
