Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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