All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
