If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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