people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize