masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
