vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
