she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
