i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
