I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
