Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
