i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
