This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
