Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
