I want to make a zoo with you.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
