Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
