at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
