YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I would fuck him just for his dog
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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