Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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