i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
