Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
