Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
