I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Randomize
