i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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