They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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