I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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