Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
