I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize