It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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