Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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