did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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