i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
