I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
