She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
