i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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