I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
