vagina is talking i cant
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
