I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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