we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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