Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
