that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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