Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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