I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
