I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
