dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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