I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
