Barsexuality is the new black.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Your cock deserves a montage
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
